49. Rethinking Power in Parent-Child Relationships- Considering Meaningful Ideas

Dajana Yoakley

Mar 28, 2025

Transcript

Trapped in Power Struggles? This Surprising Approach Changed Everything

Have you ever told your child "it's time for bed" only to face an hour of tears, negotiations, and resistance? You're not alone. After 15 years of working with families, parenting expert Vivek Patel has discovered why traditional approaches often fail - and what actually works instead.

In my recent conversation with Vivek, he shared a story that completely shifted my perspective on these daily battles. A mother came to him nearly in tears because tooth brushing had become a nightly screaming match with her toddler. She was jabbing the toothbrush into her child's mouth while worrying about cavities, and felt their relationship deteriorating with each battle.

Vivek suggested a radically different approach. Instead of doubling down on control, he advised her to apologize to her child and say: "I really think tooth brushing is important, but I've been making a big mistake by forcing you. No one should force someone else to do something they don't want to do, and that's not how I want our relationship to be."

He then recommended she simply ask her child to join her in the bathroom during her own tooth brushing time. Meanwhile, throughout the day, she should make teeth a "loving, happy thing" - buying dollar store toothbrushes to play with, making toothpaste paintings on the bathroom mirror, and talking positively about teeth.

The results? The first few days, her child cried from sheer disbelief that the forced brushing routine had ended. By the fifth day, they were playing and laughing during bathroom time. Just two weeks in, her child asked, "Mommy, would you brush my teeth for me?"

What Vivek calls "pattern interruption" had transformed their relationship and the child's relationship with tooth care itself. Rather than asking "How do I get my kids to brush their teeth?" Vivek encourages parents to ask "How do I help my kid love their teeth?"

This strategy reflects Vivek's core philosophy: "Respect comes from caring about other people, not from being afraid of what will happen if you don't." When we shift from control to collaboration, we create families where everyone feels valued and heard.

Want to learn more about this approach? Vivek offers a free course called "Guiding Without Controlling" at meaningfulideas.com, along with a more in-depth paid course on "Recovering from a Parenting Mistake with Maximum Change and Minimum Shame" for $37. You can also find over 200 videos on his YouTube channel "Meaningful Ideas," where he shares practical strategies for creating peaceful, respectful relationships with your children.

As Vivek says, "The process is perfection." We don't need to parent perfectly - we just need to keep evolving in how we relate to our children.

Looking for additional resources with challenging situations? My signature Raising a Resilient Child Online Course is open for registration now. Click here to learn more. Doors close on March 31st.

To learn more about Vivek Patel’s Work at Meaningful Ideas:

https://www.meaningfulideas.com/

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