If you're parenting a child who seems to push back on every boundary, questions authority constantly, and exhausts you with their intense emotions - you may have what parenting expert Jennifer Kolari calls a "gladiator child." These spirited children are often highly sensitive, care deeply about justice and fairness, and test limits relentlessly.
Your gladiator likely follows rules perfectly at school but melts down at home. They may resist bedtime fiercely, argue about everything, and leave you feeling drained and questioning your parenting. While this can feel overwhelming, these challenging traits often signal a future leader in the making.
Kolari suggests approaching these children with what she calls "loving detachment" - staying calm and firm while acknowledging their feelings. For example, when your child demands cookies before dinner, start by connecting: "I understand you really want cookies right now. They're delicious and it's hard to wait." Then hold the boundary with confidence: "I love you enough to say no to cookies before dinner. You can have big feelings about that, and the answer will stay the same."
The key is expecting the protest without getting pulled into a power struggle. Make your request, then give them space rather than standing over them demanding compliance. As Kolari notes, these children need structure but rebel against controlling approaches.
The good news? Many of these intense young children grow into self-aware, morally-grounded teenagers who know their own minds. Their early challenges with authority and strong sense of justice often become assets as they mature.
For now, focus on maintaining connection before correction. Your gladiator child needs to know you can handle their big emotions while still holding loving boundaries. Remember - their intense feelings and questioning nature may feel overwhelming today, but these same traits, when matured, can help them become the leaders and change-makers of tomorrow.
Want to learn more? Listen to the full conversation with Jennifer Kolari on the Podcast, where she shares practical strategies for parenting strong-willed children.
To learn more about Jennifer Kolari:
https://www.connectedparenting.com/
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